


The Marvels

by Panic_for_Bucky_Barnes



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Marvel
Genre: Abusive Relationships, All songs from Heathers, Beautiful, Blue - Freeform, Candy Store, Dead Girl Walking, Dead Girl Walking (reprise), F/M, Fight For Me, Heathers AU, High School, I Am Damaged, Kindergarten boyfriend, Lies, Lifeboat, M/M, MY DEAD GAY SON, Meant To Be Yours, Mix of Heathers Musical and Heathers Movie, Rumors, Seventeen - Freeform, Shine a Light, Shine a Light (reprise), The Me Inside of Me, Yo Girl, big fun, cursing, drug and alchohol, freeze your brain, our love is god
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-09-15 05:32:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16927383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panic_for_Bucky_Barnes/pseuds/Panic_for_Bucky_Barnes
Summary: Bucky Barnes believes he’s a good person... but that’s hard to believe when you’ve killed your best friend and two jocks... based on the killer cult classic “Heathers”, Bucky Barnes’ senior year takes a deadly turn when he becomes the newest member of The Marvels. It all goes into the trash when Brock Rumlow shows up, a teenage psychopath who has the hots for Bucky...Remix of Milkygalaxy’s “Marvels.”





	1. Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Marvels](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4910533) by [milkygalaxy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkygalaxy/pseuds/milkygalaxy). 



* * *

Dear Diary,

 

I’m a fucking 17-year-old high school guy and I have a diary like a fucking eight-year-old. But I am gay, if that changes anything. It probably doesn’t to be honest. I can’t really judge my bullshit self though, my life choices have lead me to try to survive in the homophobic high school dubbed “Westerberg High.”

 

Can’t walk through the Caf (cafeteria) without being called a faggot.

 

The punchline is the faggot caller, Tony Stark. He’s gay. Didn’t kiss my buddy Stevie on the kickball field for nothing, right? I guess you can’t call someone a fag without experience, Stark is sure an example of that.

 

I’m not signing this shit, don’t even try me.

 

September 1st, 1989

 

Bucky walked through the halls of Westerberg High, disgusted. A trail of insults and comments sprung up behind him as he walked, mouths that never stopped talked on and on about him and other students.

 

“Freak!

 

Slut!

 

Burnout!

 

Bug-eyes!

 

Poser!

 

Pussy!”

 

Bucky heard that one and turned to the kid who said it, giving him a disapproving look.

 

“What are you lookin at?” He said. Bucky recognized him as Thor, the weirdo and low-key goth kid. Bucky turned away and kept walking, not worth picking a fight with Thor.

 

“I believe I’m a good person,” Bucky told himself. “There’s gotta be good in everybody, right?” Bucky watched as Tony Stark and his newest idiot in power, Peter Quill, beat up a Freshman. “But sometimes I wonder- what the fuck happened?”

 

Steve Rogers, Bucky’s best friend, turned up just then.

 

“Monologuing to yourself, Jerk?” He asked. Bucky smirked and wrapped a arm around his friend.

 

“Why can’t we be beautiful?” Bucky said, making his way to the Caf.

 

“We were so tiny, happy and shiny. Playing tag and getting chased, singing and clapping, laughing and napping. Baking cookies... eating paste,” Bucky waved his hand dramatically, Steve watched. “The we got bigger, and that was the trigger.”

 

Hope VanDike pushed down Bruce Banner, and they start to argue over how it was Bruce’s fault. Bruce walks off, defeated.

 

“College will be paradise, if I’m not dead by June. But I know, life can be beautiful, and if we changed back then, we can change again.”

 

Bucky pointed at one table to see the sophomore, Peter Parker, give a girl a rose. Just then, Tony goes over and plucks the rose out of her hand.

 

“Just not today.”

 

Wanda, the goth girl at Westerberg, asks Clint, the stoner if he’s okay. He’s passed out in his seat, blunt still smoking under the table.

 

“Things will be better soon as my letter comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown. I’ll wake from this fucking coma, take my diploma, and then blow this shitty town.”

 

Bucky bumps into Tony, who yells at him to “Watch the jacket, it’s very expensive.”

 

“I fight urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!”

 

Tony smacks Bucky’s lunch tray to the ground. He looks up at Tony, done with this high schooler’s shit.

 

“Dick.”

 

“What did you say to me, shank?!”

 

“Aah, nothing!”

 

“That’s what I thought.” Tony kicks the tray away, and Bucky watched as it slides across the floor.

 

“Not to change the subject,” Steve says, who’s watching Tony saunter away to his crowd. “But we still on for movie night?”

 

“Yeah, you’re on Jiffy Pop detail.”

 

“I rented The Princess Bride.”

 

Bucky turns to Steve, unsurprised.

 

“Again? Don’t you have it memorized by now?”

 

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for happy endings.”

 

Peter Quill comes over and slams Steve’s tray down on the ground.

 

“You might want to pick that up, skinny ass.” He sneers at Steve. “Bend over faggot.” Steve, who’s gone red, bends over to get his tray off the floor. Bucky pulls Steve back up.

 

“You pick that up right now and show everyone around here who the real faggot is,” Bucky roars. Peter steps back, surprised.

 

“I’m sorry, are you talking to me?” He asks.

 

“Yes, I am! I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You’re a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant.”

 

Peter takes a moment to think of a good comeback.

 

“You have a zit,” he says finally. “Riiiiight.... here!” He pokes Bucky’s temple and Bucky swats his hand away as the kids around them laugh. Peter practically eats up the attention.

 

“Well this is pathetic,” Steve says to Bucky. “C’mon, let’s go find a table.” Bucky and Steve sit down and people watch the Caf.

 

“Why.” Bucky says.

 

“Why do they hate me?

 

Why don’t I fight back?

 

Why do I act like such a creep?”

 

“Why?” Bucky says again.

 

“Why won’t he date me?

 

Why did I hit him?

 

Why do I cry myself to sleep?”

 

“Why?” Bucky repeats. (Big mood tho)

 

“Somebody hug me!

 

Somebody fix me!

 

Somebody save me!”

 

“Send me a sign, God! Give me some hope here! Something to live for!” Bucky yells to the Caf, only to have his voice drowned out by the chatter of teenagers.

 

The double doors to the lunchroom opens and it goes dead silent. A group of people walk in, everyone wishing to be them. Bucky lets his head drop onto the table.

 

“God,” Steve says, acknowledging the silence. “They got an entire school to shut up. Next thing you know, they’ll get us to bend on our knees and eat grass.”

 

“Marvels- such cliches,” Bucky moans. He picks his head up to point out each of the members of the crowd.

 

“Gamora Thanos, head cheerleader. Her dad is loaded- he sells engagement rings. Valkyrie Brunnhilde, no discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants. And Loki Lauyfeyson, The Almighty. He is a mythic bitch. They’re solid Teflon- never bothered, never harassed. I’d give anything to be like that.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Bleghhh.”

 

Oh god, is she puking?

 

“Grow up Val, bulimia is so 87’.”

 

Well shit.

 

Bucky watched at the door of the same-sex bathroom. He was pretty sure the bathroom was put in for the Marvels, so they could hang out together in the bathroom without getting in trouble. The rule was, you didn’t use it unless you’re on fire and need the water to not die or some shit like that.

 

“Maybe you should see a doctor, Valkyrie,” Gamora said.

 

“Yeah Gamora, maybe I should,” Val replied before the familiar sound of puking came back. Bucky was so focused on the Marvels, he didn’t hear the bell or Mr. Coulson winter the bathroom.

 

“Ah, Loki and Gamora...”

 

“Bleghh.”

 

“... and Valkyrie,” He said. “Perhaps you didn’t hear the bell over all the vomiting. You’re late for class.”

 

Well fuck. That meant Bucky was late too. In a stroke of genius, Bucky started to forge a hall pass for him and the Marvels.

 

“Valkyrie wasn’t heeling well,” Loki said. “We’re helping her.”

 

“Not without a hall pass, you’re not,” Mr. Coulson said. “Week’s detention.”

 

“Um. Actually, Mr. Coulson, all four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee.” Bucky said just then, shoving his way into the bathroom and standing between Mr. Coulson and the Marvels. Mr. Coulson snatched the hall pass out of Bucky’s hand and scrutinized it.

 

“I see you’re all listed... Hurry up and get where you’re going,” Mr. Coulson let the hall pass float to the floor. “And pick that up!” He said as he left, pointing to the pass.

 

Loki picked up it up and also scrutinized the forged hall pass, impressed.

 

“This is an excellent forgery...” Loki said, passing it to Gamora and Val, who had just come out of the bathroom stall. “Who are you?” Loki demanded.

 

“James... Barnes... Bucky Barnes actually. I crave a boon,” Bucky said frantically.

 

“What boon?” Loki asked.

 

“Um... let me sit at your table, at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary. If people think that you guys tolerate me, they’ll leave me alone...”

 

The Marvels erupted in laughter. Bucky turned red.

 

“Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes,” Bucky offered.

 

“Do you do prescriptions?”

 

“Shut up Valkyrie!”

 

“Sorry, Loki.”

 

Loki inspected Bucky, taking his chin in his hand and turning Bucky’s face to the left and to the right.

 

“For a greasy nobody, you do have a good bone structure,” Loki admitted. Gamora came up to Bucky and let a finger trail down his cheek.

 

“And a symmetrical face,” Gamora said. “If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I’d have matching halves. That’s very important.”

 

“Of course, you could stand to loose a few pounds,” Valkyrie blurted out.

 

“This could be beautiful,” Loki said. “Mascara, maybe some lip gloss...”

 

“Are you putting make up on me...?”

 

“...Get this man some blush; and Val I need your brush. Let’s make him beautiful!”

 

“Yes, let’s make him beautiful!” Gamora and Valkyrie chimed in.

 

“Okay?”

 

“Okay!”

 

The next day, when the Marvels entered the lunch room in their same, dramatic fashion, there was a new person apart of the group.

 

He was definitely the new star of the Marvels, enough to outshine the others. Almost enough, outshining Loki was a dumb idea in itself.

 

“Who’s that new someone?”

 

“That new babe?”

 

Steve was the first person, and only person, to figure out who was accompanying the Marvels.

 

“Bucky?!”

 

The Marvels parted to reveal Bucky Barnes, hair brushed and tidy, new leather jacket adding a bad-boy feel to the simple blue t-shirt he wore under it.

 

“And you know, life can be beautiful!” Bucky said. “And when you’re beautiful, it’s a beautiful frickin day!”

 

 

 

 


	2. Candy Store

Dear Diary,

 

These last few weeks have been fine. Apparently it’s okay to be gay if you’re popular. Just last week Loki pulled me aside and said “I know your little secret.” I don’t know of any other secrets other than my gender identity, so I’ll assume he was talking about that.

 

To be honest, I didn’t think the Marvels would keep me around this long, this might be my new crowd. It’s nice though, being “respected.” I add the quotations because I’ve been groped multiple times this week.

 

I’m still not signing this shit.

 

“James, Loki says to haul ass and head to our table, pronto,” Val said. Bucky looked up from his writing. Val pulled him up frantically when he sat there for another second.

 

“Alright! Alright, Jesus!” Bucky said. Val pulled him into the Caf. Almost immediately, Bucky’s eyes landed on a student in a trench coat. As Val lead him to Loki, Bucky kept his eyes on the kid, and soon the guy noticed Bucky’s staring.

 

“James, Loki’s talking to you,” Val said, snapping her fingers in his face. Bucky looked away from the kid and to Loki.

 

“I need you to forge a note,” Loki started. “In Tony Stark’s handwriting. You’ll need something to write on, Valkyrie bend over.”

 

Val bent over and Bucky out his notebook on her back.

 

“Hello beautiful,” Loki said. “I’ve been watching you, and thinking about us in the old days. I hope you can come to my Homecoming party this weekend. Miss you, Tony. And put an XO after the signature,” Loki directed. Bucky finished the note and looked over it, then gave it to Loki.

 

“Why do you need it?” Bucky asked as Loki snatched it away. Loki smirked.

 

“Tony used to hang out with that skinny ass kid, Steve Rogers.”

 

The mention of Bucky’s best friend took Bucky by surprise.

 

“Uhm, Yeah. In kindergarten. We all did,” Bucky defended.

 

“Well we didn’t all kiss on the kickball field!” Gamora exclaimed.

 

“Oh! I forgot about that!” Val piped up. “It was so disgusting.”

 

Tony and Quill walked by the Marvels, snickering. Bucky overheard them talking to one another.

 

“God, it’d be so righteous to be in the middle of a Gamora and Valkyrie sandwich,” Tony said to Quill.

 

“Hell yeah, man,” Quill said, high-fiving Tony. Bucky rolled his eyes.

 

“There he is!” Gamora exclaimed, pointing to Steve Rogers sitting alone in the corner of the Caf. Steve got up and walked out of the Caf towards the bathroom.

 

“How’s our chance, Bucky, go put the note on his tray,” Loki instructed, pushing the note into Bucky’s hand.

 

“N-no,” Bucky said, shaking his head. “Guys, how about we don’t. This whole note thing is kinda rude,” he added, handing the note back to Loki. Loki scowled at Bucky.

 

“Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw, do I look like Mother Teresa to you? This ain’t supposed to be a kind gesture,” Loki said. “Why don’t you want to do it?”

 

“I just don’t want any part in this. It’s messed up. I’m not that type of person, Loki,” Bucky said. Loki shook his head in disappointment.

 

“Are we gonna have a problem?” Loki started. He handed the note to Gamora, who went straight away to Steve’s lunch tray and placed it there. “You got a bone to pick? We’ve come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick?”

 

The people in the Cafeteria start to pay attention to the situation. Bucky sees the kid in the trench coat turn his attention away from the floor to Bucky and his friends. “You know, I’d normally slap your face off, and everyone here can watch. But I’m feeling nice, here’s some advice, listen up BIATCH.”

 

“I like, lookin hot, buying stuff they cannot.”

 

“I like, drinkin hard, maxin dad’s credit card.”

 

“I like, skipping gym, scaring her, screwin him.”

 

“I like, killer clothes, kickin nerds in the nose!”

 

“If you lack the balls, you can go play dolls. Let you mommy fix you a snack. Or you could come smoke, pound some rum and coke, in my Porsche with the quarterback!

 

Honey what’cha waiting for? Welcome to my candy store! Time for you to prove you not a loser any more. Step into my candy store.

 

Guy fall at your feet, pay the check, they’ll help you cheat.

 

All you have to do, say goodbye to Shamu.

 

That freak’s not your friend, I can tell in the end. If he had your shot, he would leave you to rot!

 

Course if you don’t care, fine! Go braid his hair, maybe Sesame Street is on. Or forget that creep, and get in my Jeep, let’s go tear up someone’s lawn!”

 

Steve entered the Cafeteria again, and saw the note. His eyes immediately lit up with delight, and he started to search for Bucky in the crowd.

 

“Honey what’cha waiting for? Welcome to me candy store! You just gotta prove you’re not a pussy anymore, step into my candy store.

 

You can join the team, or you can bitch and moan. You can live the dream, or you can die alone. You can fly with eagles or if you’d prefer, keep on testing me, and end up like him!”

 

On cue, Steve came up to Bucky and happily showed him the note.

 

“Bucky, look! Tony invited me to his Homecoming party! I can’t believe he’s still thinking about me!” Steve said excitedly.

 

I’m sorry for this, Steve, Bucky thought to himself.

 

“Color me stoked,” Bucky murmured.

 

“I’m so happy!” Steve gushed into the Caf.

 

“Honey what’cha waiting fo-

 

Shut up Valkyrie! Step into my candy store!

 

Time for you to prove you’re not a lame-ass anymore, step into my candy store.”

 

Bucky felt sick to his stomach. He couldn’t believe that he even let Gamora give the note to Steve. He couldn’t even believe that he joined the side of the Marvels and let Steve think it was real...

 

Dear Diary,

 

Was this what the Marvels did to people? I hate myself for lying to Steve, I hate myself for letting his walk away with that fucking note! I hate myself! Fucking Marvels, their teenage bullshit is just fucking everybody up. Then again, their bullshit got them fucked, literally.

 

That’s not why I’m a Marvel, not the goal here. Why be friends with someone who almost guarantees you to loose your virginity? Heh- okay, maybe they are a useful friend group.

 

WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING?

 

WHO HAVE I BECOME, HOLY SHIT?!

 

-Bucky Barnes

 

(I’m signing this shit this one time, AND ONLY THIS ONE TIME)

 


	3. Fight For Me

“Lunchtime poll- the question is, you inherit five million dollars the same day aliens come to Earth and say they’re blowing it up in two days, what would you do?” Loki read.

 

“Ooh, that’s good!” Val said.

 

“What’s the point of the question?” Gamora asked.

 

“Whatever the fuck you want to point to be, Gamora,” Loki retorted. “Now let’s go survey!”

 

As the Marvels puttered around the Cafeteria, getting interesting answers from the student body, Bucky kept his eyes on the kid in the trench coat. He was pretty sure a crush was forming...

 

“Damn, James. Drool much?” Val said at the end of their poll. Bucky smirked at her and rolled his eyes. In a bold move, Bucky started to walk up to the kid in the trench coat. They smiled at each other as he got closer to the table.

 

“Are you a Marvel?” He asked. Bucky almost swooned with the sound of his voice, deep and dark. His voice matched his visible personality perfectly.

 

“No, I’m a Bucky,” Bucky replied. Smooth, Barnes, Bucky thought to himself. “I have a stupid question for you.” Bucky inched closer to the guy.

 

“There are no stupid questions,” he said. Bucky smirked at that and bit his lip.

 

“You inherent five million dollars the same day aliens come to Earth and say they’ll blow it up in two days, what do you do?”

 

“That- is the stupidest question I’ve ever heard,” the stranger whispered.

 

“Told you.”

 

The bell rang and the stranger got up. He started to make his way out of the Caf, Bucky followed him out. Bucky wasn’t about to let his crush walk away.

 

“Wait! I didn’t catch your name!” Bucky called after the stranger. The stranger stopped walking and Bucky bumped into him. He’s tall... Bucky thought, as he looked up into the stranger’s hazel eyes.

 

“I didn’t throw it,” the stranger said.

 

A few tables away, Tony and Quill watched the whole exchange.

 

“Should we beat him up?” Quill asked Tony.

 

“Nah man, we’re seniors, we don’t do that shit,” Tony replied.

 

“We can still scare him,” Quill suggested. Tony nodded in approval and they walked over to the stranger.

 

“Hey! I thought this Cafeteria had a no fag rule,” Tony snickered. Quill smirked and gave Tony a high-five. The stranger smiled at the guys and turned his attention away from Bucky.

 

“But I see there’s an open invitation for assholes,” then he turned to Tony, “and certain types of dick suckers,” that caught Tony and Quill off guard.

 

“What do we do, man?” Quill asked Tony.

 

“Beat him to shit!” Tony exclaimed, lunging on the guy. Bucky moved out of the way just as the stranger hit the floor.

 

“Holy shit!” Bucky exclaimed. The stranger got back up and kneed Tony in the balls. Then he turned to Bucky.

 

“Get away from here, Bucky!- aw fuck!” He said, just as a fist collided with his cheek. Bucky was frozen, hypnotized by the stranger’s movements. The Marvels joined Bucky to watch the fight.

 

“Why, when you see boys fight, though it looks horrible, it feels so right? I shouldn’t watch this crap, it’s not who I am, but damn. Mr. No-name kid, who might you be? Could you fight for me? Could you face the crowd? Could you be seen with me and still act proud? Could you hold me hand, and carry me through no man’s land? It’s fine if you don’t agree, but I would fight for you, if you would fight for me,” Bucky monologued.

 

“James, you have this tendency to talk nonsense, it’s annoying. Stop,” Gamora said to Bucky.

 

“Holy shit!” Loki exclaimed. The stranger threw a punch that made Tony fall to the floor, then he started to kick Tony in the gut.

 

“He’s lasted longer than I thought he would,” Bucky said. The Marvels nodded their heads in agreement. The tables turned and now the No-Name Kid was on the ground, being kicked in the gut.

 

“That’s enough you guys!” Out of nowhere, Mr. Coulson and the principal, Mr. Fury, started to pull the boys away from each other.

 

“Usually, it’s Rogers who’s fighting, but you three? I’d never think you’d do a fight like this,” Mr. Fury said to the boys.

 

“Stark, Quill, detention,” Mr. Coulson said, pointing to Tony and Quill. “And you, Mr. Rumlow, because you’re new, I’ll let you out of detention this one time, got it?” Mr. Coulson said, pointing to the No-Name Kid who now has a name.

 

Rumlow... remember that, Barnes, Bucky thought. Mr. Coulson walked off with Tony and Quill in each hand. The stranger and Bucky watched the three walk off, and the Marvels followed behind, eager for action.

 

“So you’re a Rumlow?” Bucky asked the stranger, now dubbed Rumlow. He sighed and shrugged.

 

“Brock, Rumlow, actually. Take your pick on what to call me,” Rumlow said. Bucky smirked.

 

“The only thing I’ll call you is baby,” Bucky said smoothly. Rumlow turned to Bucky and gave him a look. “You set that one up yourself,” Bucky added. Rumlow smiled, making Bucky practically melt.

 

“Y’know, you’re really cute,” Rumlow said. Bucky blushed, and Rumlow smiled. “You’re even cuter when you blush,” Rumlow added.

 

“T-thanks,” Bucky managed. Rumlow nodded to Bucky, then started to walk away. When Rumlow turned the corner to the hall, Bucky smiled and leaned on the lockers next to him.

 

Oh, this definitely was a crush...

 

Dear Diary,

 

HOLY SHIT. What do I know about this kid in the trench coat? His name is Brock Rumlow, he can punch really well, and is most definitely gay.

 

GAY.

 

YEAH.

 

YOU READ THAT RIGHT!

 

I won’t be alone forever like Loki tells me every day, in your face bossy McBitchson. One point for The Gay One!

 

In other news, Tony’s Homecoming party is tomorrow night, and I’m kind of worried about Steve. If he shows up, oh man, it’ll be hell for him and/or me. He’ll either be humiliated, or ill have to tell him the the note was fake, and that I was the one who wrote it.

 

I guess that evens out the score between The Gay One and Bossy McBitchson.

-Bucky Barnes

Also- The Marvels have come to calling me, “James” and not Bucky. Why the fuck they do it, I don’t know. Do I care? Not a bit. 

 

 

 


	4. Freeze Your Brain

“Corn Nuts!” Loki called from his car. He honked the horn too, startling Bucky.

 

“Alright! Alright! Fuck you too!” He called back. Bucky shook his head and headed into the convenience store, then walked right back out. “What flavor?!” He called. Loki honked the horn again, annoyed.

 

“Barbecue! Duh! What other flavor is there?” Loki called back. Bucky ran back into the store and grabbed several bags of Barbecue Corn Nuts.

 

Bucky ran his hand through his now short hair, which had been cut only a few hours earlier. Behind the counter, there was a mirror, and out of habit, he checked his reflection. Another person, also looking in the mirror, caught Bucky’s eye. He turned around to see Rumlow, who was still wearing the trench coat, standing behind Bucky.

 

“Rumlow, hi,” Bucky said, startled. Rumlow smiled and ran his hand through Bucky’s hair unexpectedly.

 

“I like your hair,” he commented. Bucky blushed and smiled back at Rumlow.

 

“Thanks, just got it cut,” he said.

 

“I could tell, you didn’t have short hair at lunch today,” Rumlow whispered, pulling his hand away and turning to the slushy machine. Bucky watched him pour a slushy. Rumlow took a sip.

 

“I- didn’t see you at lunch, how did you kn-“

 

“So you were looking for me- well so was I,” Rumlow interrupted. Rumlow offered Bucky the cup, Bucky refused. “Suit yourself,” Rumlow shrugged, before taking another sip of the drink.

 

“You like it here?” Bucky asked. Rumlow nodded silently.

 

“I like every 7-11 I come across, cause they’re all the same,” Rumlow said. Bucky hopped on the counter of the store, his Vans knocking against the wood below the fake granite.

 

“You move a lot?” Bucky asked. Rumlow nodded.

 

“Yeah, part of my dad’s job. You know Dan the Demolition guy? That commercial that goes, if you got a building-“

 

“Then I can make it go boom! Yeah,” Bucky laughed. “That commercial’s so clever. It must be fun moving around with him, seeing the world.” Rumlow sighed.

 

“I’ve been through ten high schools, they start to get blurry. No point planting roots, cause I’ll be gone in a hurry. My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den, it’s only a mater of when. I don’t learn the names, don’t bother with faces. And every time in about to despair, there’s a 7-11 right there. Each store is the same, from LA to Boston, I pray at that alter of slush... I live for that sweet frozen rush! Freeze your brain, get lost in the pain. Happiness comes when everything numbs, who needs cocaine?” Rumlow pulled a bag of cocaine out of his trench coat pocket and threw it behind him, dramatically.

 

“Was that-“

 

“Care for a hit?” Rumlow interrupted again. He held out the cup to Bucky again. Bucky dismissed the cocaine and smiled.

 

“Does your mom know you eat all that crap?” He asked teasingly, tryin to lighten the mood. Rumlow’s smile dropped immediately.

 

“Not anymore,” he started. “When Mom was alive, we lived half-way normal. But now it’s me and my dad, we’re much less formal. I learned to cook pasta, how to pay rent, I leaned the world doesn’t owe you a cent. James- Bucky- Barnes, you’re planning your future, off to some college to marry a lawyer. The sky’s gonna hurt when it falls, so you might want to start building some walls. Freeze your brain! Swim in the ice, get lost in the pain! Shut your eyes right till you vanish from sight, nothing should remain. Shatter your skull, fight pain with more pain. Forget who you are, unburden the load, forget in six weeks you’ll be back on the road. When the voice in your head says your better off dead-“

 

Rumlow stumbled and fells to his knees, Bucky hopped off the counter in worry.

 

“Rumlow, hey,” Rumlow looked up to Bucky. “It’s alright, everything’ll be alright,” Bucky whispered, enveloping Rumlow into a hug. They sat like this for a few minutes before they heard the honking of Loki’s horn outside.

 

“James! Let’s go!” Loki called.

 

“I don’t like your friends,” Rumlow growled, getting up and shrugging Bucky off him. Bucky half smiled.

 

“Yeah, I don’t like them either,” he said. “You’ll be okay?” Bucky asked Rumlow. He nodded his head and gave a tiny kiss on the top of Bucky’s head.

 

“I’ll be fine, I’ve got the slushees, remember?” Rumlow pointed to the slushy machine. “Want one when you go?” He asked. Bucky nodded his head. Rumlow poured a cherry slushy for Bucky, and handed it to him.

 

“There ya go,” he said. Bucky took a sip.

 

“I don’t feel the brain freeze yet... oh! Holy shit, there it is.”

 

Rumlow smiled mischievously.

 

“Have fun at your party,” he said, before walking out of the store. Bucky didn’t even think about how Rumlow knew about the party.

 

Dear Diary,

 

That boy definitely likes me back. Thank god this crush isn’t one sided. Also, Rumlow thinks I’ll marry a lawyer, with probably won’t happen. Rumlow doesn’t seem the type to become a lawyer.

-Bucky Barnes


	5. Big Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this too much gay?

“Parents are gone...” Quill said, shutting the door and watching Tony’s parents drive away from the house. Tony smiled and jumped on the sofa, instantly putting his feet up on the coffee table.

 

“Thank god!” He exclaimed. “Now c’mere,” Quill climbed into Tony’s lap, straddling him. Tony brushed his hand on Quill’s cheek, and went straight for the lips. After a few minutes, the two broke away, panting.

 

“We should get the party ready,” Tony said.

 

“Yeah... party,” Quill echoed. Quill leaned back in and they spend another few minutes making out, finally Tony pushed away, laughing.

 

“You continue that, I’mma have an orgasm right here,” Tony snickered. Quill smiled mischievously and went back to Tony’s lips.

 

“Good. You do that,” he said between kisses. “Fuck, you taste so good,” Quill whispered. Quill’s fingers trailed at the hem of Tony’s shirt, trying to pull it up off his head.

 

“Nope, not now,” Tony said, pushing Quill away. “We have a party to throw.”

 

“Dad says “Act our age,” you heard the man it’s time to rage!” Tony started to shout.

 

“Blast the bass, turn out the light, ain’t nobody home tonight!” Quill finished. The doorbell rang and they turned to each other and grinned.

 

“Drink, smoke, it’s all cool! Let’s get naked in the pool! Punch the wall, start a fight, ain’t nobody home tonight. Let’s rub each other’s backs, while watching porn on Cinemax!” Tony said. The party was starting to get into full swing, reaching it’s climax.

 

“Heeeyyyy! Guuuuuys! They forgot to lock the liquor cabinet!” Someone shouted from the kitchen. Tony gave Quill a look, and he shrugged. They both rushed to the cabinet to grab their share of liquor before it was gone. Along the way, they passed Bucky, who was just getting drunk.

 

“Okay, okay, okay,” he started. “So it’s, salt, and then lime, and then salt?” He asked the Marvels.

 

“No, sweetie, it’s salt, lime...” Val directed.

 

“You’re doing it wrong!” Loki interrupted. Bucky shot back the concoction he had anyways.

 

“Really? Cause I feel great!” He yelled over the music.

 

“Jaames, lookin good tonight,” someone said behind Bucky. He turned around to see Sam Wilson, who took Bucky’s hand unexpectedly and spun him around. Bucky spun back to where Sam had first picked him up, in shock.

 

“Holy shit. A hot guy smiled at me, without a hint of mockery!” he said to the Marvels. They rolled their eyes, amused with Bucky’s excitement. Sam grabbed Bucky’s hand again and spun him away from the Marvels. Just as Sam let go of Bucky, he leaned in and they clasped lips. They stopped spinning to make out, and after a few minutes Bucky pulled away.

 

“I’m going to get a joint, be right back,” he whispered into Sam’s ear. “Don’t go anywhere,” he added. Bucky turned away, Sam sighed happily and grabbed a random solo cup, drinking up someone’s drink.

 

“Hey is that weed?” Bucky asked. The person who was smoking, Clint Barton, turned around from their corner, wide-eyed that Bucky was talking to them. “Can I have a hit?”

 

“Take it from my lips,” he murmured, pulling Bucky up to him. Bucky pulled away quickly.

 

“We can three-some with Sam, if you’d like,” Bucky offered. He got a blank stare from the already high Clint. “Sam Wilson,” Bucky clarified. Clint frowned.

 

“I’m not fucking my best friend... although... I’ll make an exception for you, pretty boy,” Clint finally said.

 

“I’ll stick with a joint,” Bucky finished. Clint shrugged and handed over the weed. Bucky stumbles back to where Sam was, and ran into the Marvels.

 

“Oh hey guys,” he said, before tripping over his own feet and falling into Gamora’s arms. She sneered and pushed him back on to his feet. The music got louder, and the bass dropped. Someone dumped a bucket of water over’s Bucky’s head as a prank.

 

“There goes all of our hard work,” Loki said flatly. The Marvels lead Bucky to the bathroom.

 

“Guys... I think that’s what they call 3rd base...” Bucky said in the bathroom, pointing to the bathtub. Loki scoffs and moved over to the bathtub to see Wanda Maximoff and Natasha Romanov in the middle of... you know what they were in the middle of.

 

“Lesbos,” Loki muttered under his breath. The Marvels lead Bucky out of the bathroom back to the living room.

 

“Damn fine ass, James!” Sam tells over the music, who had materialized out of the crowd. Bucky smirked and grabbed Sam’s hand.

 

“Have you seen your own a- oh hey Steve,” Bucky’s attention turned away from Sam to Steve Rogers, who had just shown up to the party.

 

“Hey Buck, cool party- eh?” Steve said. Bucky smiled and pushed Sam away. Bucky scooped Steve up into his arms and started to make his way to the stairs. “Where are we goin?” Steve asked.

 

“The bedroom, that’s why they’re up here,” Bucky said, reaching the landing.

 

“You’re really drunk, Bucky,” Steve said, squirming. “Can you let me-“

 

Bucky presses his lips to Steve’s to shut him up. It did the job.

 

“I’m not letting you go till you’re virginity’s gone,” Bucky whispered into Steve’s ear. Steve squirmed enough to get out of Bucky’s arms.

 

“Where’ ya goin Punk?” Bucky asked.

 

“To see Tony, that’s why I came,” Steve responded. Bucky’s smile faded, remembering why Steve was at the party in the first place.

 

“Shit- Steve. Steve! Come back!” Bucky regained some of his senses. Steve stopped walking away from Bucky. “Don’t go to Tony, trust me,” he said. Steve put his hands on his hips.

 

“And why not? Does Tony not like me?” Steve asked stubbornly. Bucky shook his head and closed the distance between the two, grabbing Steve’s hand.

 

“I like you-“ Bucky whispered. “I like you, like, more than a friend,” he clarified. Steve looked up into Bucky’s blue eyes.

 

“I’m sorry Buck- I,” Steve was cut off again by Bucky, who held up a finger to silence Steve. “I didn’t notice your hair till now,” Steve said. Surprised, Bucky dropped his finger from Steve’s lips. Steve jumped up and planted a kiss onto Bucky’s cheek.

 

“If this doesn’t work out with me an Tony, I’ll be happy to go out with you, Bucky,” Steve said, before tearing away from Bucky to find Tony.

 

“Dang! Was James hanging out- and making out- with Skinny Rogers?” Loki asked the Marvels rhetorically.

 

“Looked like it,” Gamora said, taking a shot of the tequila Quill gave her.

 

“He has some guts to show up here tonight,” Loki said. “Time to rip em’ out.”

 

“Hey guuuuys! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay! Listen up people!” Tony called out to the crowd. He held up a piñata shaped like a salamander. “What’s Westerberg going to do to the Razorbacks Friday night?”

 

The crowd answered his question with the words, “make em’ scurry on home!”

 

Loki grabbed the salamander out of Tony’s hands and started to dress it into an effigy of Steve Rogers. Tony stopped his from adding more to the salamander.

 

“You’re not taking that without payment, Loki,” he said, crashing his lips to Loki’s. Loki struggled for a bit, making the two fall to the floor. “Feisty,” Tony commented. Bucky watched the whole thing from the opposite side of the room.

 

“Hey Tony! I saw some Freshman trying to hop the fence and get in!” Bucky called out. Tony got up and looked at Bucky.

 

“Freshman... I hate freshman! Where are you, you little shits!” Tony fled to the backyard, abandoning Loki. Bucky sauntered over to Loki and held a hand out for him to grab onto.

 

“You alright?” Bucky asked.

 

“I could’ve handled that myself!” Loki exploded, grabbing the salamander piñata off the ground. Bucky chuckled.

 

“Awww, thanks, Loki, but I don’t really have to puke right now,” Bucky said. Loki walked away, piñata in hand.

 

“Where are those freshman?” Tony asked himself, as he scanned the fence from his backyard.

 

“Uh, hey Tony.”

 

Tony whipped around to see Steve Rogers standing next to him.

 

“There’s more liquor inside,” Tony said absent-mindlessly, turning away from Steve.

 

“I-I actually brought my own drink, uhm, thank you for inv-“ Tony plucked the drink out of Steve’s hand and took a swing of it. He immediately spit it back out in Steve’s face.

 

“This has no alcohol in it! Are you trying to poison me?” Tony yelled.

 

“N-no I just, just wanted to say thanks for inviting me, I-“ Steve stopped talking to observe the confused look on Tony’s face.

 

“What the hell do you mean?” Tony asked. Steve produced the forged note and handed it to Tony. He looked over it before tossing it aside. “God, Why do you have to be so weird? People would like you better if you were normal,” Tony snapped, walking away.

 

Back inside, Loki had finished dressing the salamander piñata.

 

“Guys, what is that?” Bucky asked, when he got a look at it.

 

“It’s what’ll send Skinny Rogers home to cry,” Loki answered. Bucky’s eyes grew wide when he realized what the salamander was dressed as.

 

“I- fuck. Wait guys- fuck it,” Bucky sped out of the living room where The Marvels were just stringing up the piñata. As he left, he heard Loki start the show.

 

“Why wants to hit the salamander and break em’ to bits!” Loki called out to the crowd. A roar was the response. Bucky searches the backyard frantically for his friend, hoping he could stop him from going inside. “It seems our first contestant is Steve Rogers!” He heard Loki day from inside. This made Bucky stop searching, and slowly walk back into the house to see Steve with a blindfold and a stick, ready to swing at his effigy.

 

“Steve! Don’t do it!” Bucky called. Steve spun around to the direction of Bucky’s voice. He lifted the blindfold for a second to see who was talking to him, but Loki swatted his hand away and the blindfold draped over his eyes once more. Loki snickered and revealed a lighter in his hand, he positioned it right underneath the piñata, ready to set the effigy on fire.

 

Bucky reached Steve in time to push him out of the way of the flames.

 

Still blindfolded, Steve had no idea what had happened. Bucky took the blindfold off and pointed at the piñata, directing Steve’s attention to the flames.

 

“They were using it as an effigy...” Steve whispered to himself, realizing what the Marvels wanted to do. Steve sprang up from Bucky’s arms and ran out of the house.

 

Bucky got up from the floor, and headed straight to The Marvels.

 

“What. The. Fuck. Was. That.” He yelled at them. Loki shrugged and watched the piñata go up in smoke. Tony and Quill worked fast to get the fire out.

 

“You fucked with the plan, James. You fucked with it too much!” Loki yelled back. “What’cha gonna do? Yell in my face some more?” Bucky held up a hand to stop Loki from talking, he felt bile creeping up in his throat. Suddenly, the bile was on Loki’s shoes.

 

“I brought you into this world, and this is the thanks I get?! Puke, on my shoes?!” Loki screamed.

 

“Lick it up baby, lick it up!” Bucky yelled back. Loki pointed an accusing hand at Bucky.

 

“You’re through! Monday morning, eight am, you’ll be nothing! Nothing!” Loki screamed. Bucky ran then, he ran away from the petty, hopping the fence into someone’s yard. He found a tree to lean up against and stood there, catching his breath and willing the spinning to go away.

 

“Fuck...” he said, crashing to the ground.


	6. Dead Man Walking

Bucky sat at the stump of the tree. He picked up a stick and tossed it away, thinking.

 

“The demon king of high school has decreed it. Monday, eight am I’ll be deleted. They’ll hunt me down in study hall, stuff and mount me on the wall. 30 hours to live- how shall I spend them?” He said to himself. He got up, picking up the stick and hitting it on the tree, it broke in half and left a gash in the bark.

 

“I don’t have to stay and die like cattle. I can change my name, and ride up to Seattle. But I don’t own a motorbike-“ a bedroom light came on above him. Bucky turned to the light and saw Rumlow at the window, taking off his shirt and getting ready for bed. Bucky smiled. “Wait. There’s and option that I like, spend there 30 hours gettin’ freaky!”

 

Bucky climbed up the fence and to Rumlow’s window. He teetered on the top of the fence, but caught his balance.

 

“I need it hard! I’m a dead man walkin! Before they punch my clock, I'm snappin your window lock! Got no time to knock I’m a dead man walkin!” Bucky sat down on Rumlow’s bed, crossing his legs and waiting for Rumlow to appear out of the adjoining bathroom.

 

Rumlow walked back into his room and immediately dropped the cup of water from his hands. Bucky licked his lips, taking in the sight of Rumlow’s defined abs.

 

“B-Bucky? What are you doing in my room?” He asked in shock. Bucky smiled mischievously and got up from the bed. He laid his hands on Rumlow’s shoulders.

 

“Bucky, you’re kind of drunk-“

 

“Shh...” Bucky cut Rumlow off with a finger to his lips. “Sorry but I really had to wake you, Ive decided I must ride you till I break you. Loki says I gots to go, you’re my last meal on death row, shut your mouth-“ Bucky’s hand moved to Rumlow’s waist, where he removed the belt. “And lose them tighty-whities!”

 

Rumlow smiled and happily dropped his pants. Bucky took his own shirt off and threw it aside. With a smirk, Rumlow fell to his knees, just starting to stroke Bucky’s cock.

 

“Tonight I’m yours! Get on all fours! Kiss this dead man walkin! Let’s go, you know the drill, I’m hot and pissed and ready to kill!” Bucky trailed his hand at Rumlow’s head, petting him like a dog.

 

“You’re beautiful,” Bucky whispered. Rumlow looked up to Bucky, sitting back. “You say you’re numb inside, but I can’t agree. In here it’s beautiful,” Bucky pointed to Rumlow’s chest. “You are so beautiful.”

 

“That works for me!” Rumlow said. He hoisted Bucky up onto the bed, where Rumlow left a trail of kisses down Bucky’s abs.

 

“Love me, pull my hair! Touch me there! Get aggressive, baby, tonight I’m yours!” Bucky yelled.

 

“Shh... don’t want to wake my dad... how’d you find me?” Rumlow asked.

 

“Who cares? What matters is now! Now get your ass in gear and fucking fuck me,” Bucky said, a little quieter. Rumlow didn’t argue, he started to get a little more aggressive, pulling on Bucky’s hair too much, or squeezing Bucky’s cock too hard. The pair heard a snapping sound when Rumlow went a little too aggressive.

 

“I think I broke my mattress...” Rumlow mumbled.

 

“No sleep for you tonight...” Bucky smiled. “Love this dead man walking!”

 

“Okay, okay.”

 

The next morning, Bucky awoke suddenly. His head was pounding, and he felt sick... and warm? He looked over to his side to see Rumlow, asleep, arms draped in a fashion that showed the couple was spooning. Bucky smiled and rubbed Rumlow’s head, Rumlow moaned and smiled.

 

“Morning,” Rumlow said. Bucky stared at Rumlow for a moment with a smile on his face, then the smile faded and the memory of last night’s party resurfaced in Bucky’s mind.

 

“Fuck- I, shit,” Bucky hopped out of the bed and instantly grabbed his clothes from off the floor.

 

“Where you goin, baby?” Rumlow asked, also getting up from the bed.

 

“I need to apologize to Loki,” Bucky said, pulling his shirt over his head.

 

“Oh, c’mon now, you don’t really need to, do you?” Rumlow asked.

 

“Yes I do, he’s my best friend and best friends apologize to each other.” Bucky’s movements got more frantic when his eyes saw the time.

 

“Can I at least go with you?” Rumlow offered. Bucky stopped for a moment to think.

 

“Yeah, sure, why not?” He said, moving to the door. “And, last night... you were my first,” Bucky said, patting Rumlow’s shoulder. Rumlow smiled and grabbed his keys off his dresser.

 

“I’m driving!” He called.

 

A few minutes later, Rumlow and Bucky were at Loki’s house, hopping the fence and coming inside from the beck door.

 

“Hole shit that’s a lot of green,” Rumlow commented, as he looked around the kitchen.

 

“It gets worse as you enter his room,” Bucky said, walking into the kitchen. “Let’s make him something for a hangover.” Bucky started to search around the kitchen for a mug and some tomato juice.

 

“Can you find the ginger?” Bucky asked Rumlow, who was also searching around the kitchen.

 

“What is we used this-“ Rumlow held up a bottle of drain cleaner he found, “-instead?” Bucky smirked and put his hands on his hips. Rumlow grabbed an identical cup to the one Bucky had and poured some drain cleaner into it.

 

“That’d poison him, Rumlow, now help me find the ginger,” Bucky said, going back to his concoction. “Oh! Maybe I can give him a gob-stopper! Hold on,” Bucky tired to hack up a ball of spit, it took his a few times before a mass of spit was in the cup.

 

“That’s disgusting,” Rumlow said. “Only you can make that beautiful,” he added, snaking his arms around Bucky’s hips. He put the cup with the drain cleaner down, right next to Bucky’s.

 

“But the drain cleaner, what’s wrong with it?” He asked, planting a kiss on the side of Bucky’s head.

 

“Well for one, he wouldn’t drink something blue,” Bucky laughed.

 

“We can just... cover it up then,” Rumlow offered, I saw something like that in the cabinet over there,” he said.

 

“No, Rumlow, and that’s final,” Bucky said sternly.

 

“Hmm, fine,” Rumlow pouted. His hand went to Bucky’s chin, turning his lips towards his own. Bucky was too occupied to notice that he had grabbed the wrong cup.

 

“Bucky...”

 

“What?” That was when Rumlow knew Bucky had no idea what was in the cup.

 

“Nothing.”

 

Bucky shrugged and walked into Loki’s room.

 

 

 


	7. The Me Inside Of Me

“Loki? You in here?” Bucky knocked on the green door to Loki’s room. A groan came from inside, then a feeble, “come in.”

 

Loki day up in his bed when Bucky and Rumlow entered the room. He still had his face mask over one eye, and his hair was standing every way possible.

 

“Good morning, Loki,” Bucky said.

 

“James... Brock...” Loki yawned, “I see you brought the undesirables, James.”

 

“Loki, I think last night we said a lot of stuff we didn’t mean,” Bucky said, sitting down on the side of the bed.

 

“Did we? How the hell did you get in here?”

 

Bucky looked at Rumlow, hoping he’d help him out.

 

“Bucky knew you’d have a hangover, so, we whipped this up for ya,” Rumlow motioned to the cup in Bucky’s hands. “It’s a family recipe.” Loki rolled his eyes.

 

“What’d you do, spit in it?” He said dryly. “I’m not gonna drink that piss, especially since it probably came from your dick.”

 

Rumlow sucked in a deep breath.

 

“Bucky, I told you this stuff would be too intense for him,” Rumlow said.

 

“Intense... grow up. Think I’ll drink it cause you called me chicken?” Loki said, getting up from the bed. He snapped his fingers at Bucky. “Give me the cup, James.”

 

Bucky gladly handed it over. Loki downed it in one swig, he tossed the cup aside and put his hands on his hips, smirking.

 

“Intense, ha! Now get the fu-“ Loki started to gag, his face turning blue. He hobbled around his room, hands around his throat, before falling on his glass coffee table and breaking it.

 

The silence afterwards was deafening.

 

“Holy shit!” Bucky exclaimed, running his hand through his hair. “I just killed my best friend!”

 

“Worst enemy,” Rumlow corrected.

 

“Same thing,” Bucky breathed. “But holy shit! This is a homicide, Brock! I could go to jail!”

 

“Get ahold of yourself Bucky!” Rumlow said sternly, shaking Bucky by the shoulders. They started at each other before Rumlow started to kiss Bucky roughly. Rumlow found Bucky’s belt and tried to undo it. Bucky pushed away and wiped his mouth, agitated.

 

“Goddamnit Brock! I’m not having sex over my best friend’s dead body. That’s like, Mary Shelley shit, I’m not that goth!” Bucky yelled. Rumlow smirked.

 

“Kinky,” he whispered.

 

“Stop it, Rumlow!” Bucky yelled. Rumlow slapped Bucky, hard. Bucky fell to the floor and his hand flew to his cheek. Bucky got up to look into Loki’s vanity, only to see a large red mark on his cheek.

 

“Get your shit together!” Rumlow yelled at Bucky. Bucky turned away from the vanity to face Rumlow, still stunned he would do such a thing. “First thing, sweetheart: NEVER yell at me. Second thing: we can make this look like a suicide. You can forge notes, so get your head out of your ass and write a fucking note!”

 

The silence between the two lovers was almost, if not more deafening than the silence following Loki’s death.

 

Bucky took a deep breath, holding back tears. He slid into the seat of the vanity, facing away from Rumlow, and found some green stationary.

 

“Bucky- I- I’m sorry,” Rumlow said, suddenly by Bucky’s side. “Now, let’s get through this, together, okay?” Rumlow inched his hand to Bucky’s, clasping it. Bucky didn’t stop him.

 

“What do you have so far?” Rumlow whispered.

 

“Dear world,” Bucky read. “Believe it or not, I knew about fear, I knew the way loneliness stung. I hid myself behind smiles and crazy hot- no- sexy clothes. I learned to kiss boys with my tongue.”

 

“That’s good,” Rumlow said, playing with Bucky’s hair. In Bucky’s mind, he could hear Loki saying the words he wrote, it was crazy... no, creepy... but still crazy enough to be cool. Creepy crazy cool? Yeah, that was it, the sensation was creepy crazy cool.

 

“But the world held me down, like a concrete crown,” Bucky heard Loki day. “No one things a pretty guy has feelings or insecurities. All they see are his shoulder pads and make up. But no one saw the me inside of me- Jesus fuck, James, you’re making me sound like Air Supply!” Bucky shook his head, willing Loki to get out of his head.

 

“What’s wrong?” Rumlow asked.

 

“N-nothing, sorry,” Bucky said. “Let’s keep going.”

 

Hours later, two police officers investigated the crime scene.

 

“Looks like murder,” one said. The other police officer, who was sitting at Loki’s vanity, shook his head.

 

“Nope, suicide,” he said. “Here’s the note.” They both read it aloud:

 

They couldn’t see past my rockstar mystique, wouldn’t dare look in my eyes. If they had they’d have noticed a terrified guy underneath, who clings to his pillow and cries. My looks were prison scars, leaving me a myriad of scars. No one thinks a pretty girl has substance, it’s the curse of popularity.

 

Nick Fury, the principal of Westerberg High, read the note aloud to his staff.

 

“I was more than a source of hand jobs, no one saw the me inside of me. Good god, that motherfucker really committed suicide,” he said.

 

“You should cancel class,” Mrs. Hill said.

 

“If I send the kids home before lunch, the switchboard will light up like a Christmas tree,” Mr. Fury retorted.

 

“Our children are dying!” Mr. Coulson suddenly shouted. The entire staff stopped their chatter to stare at him. “I suggest we get everyone in the Cafeteria and just talk, about our feelings.”

 

“Thank you, Mr. Coulson, call me when the shuttle lands,” Fury said, shutting down the idea.

 

“No! I’m telling you, we misjudged Loki Laufeyson. This is the loveliest suicide note I’ve ever read!” Mr. Coulson interrupted. “Box up my clothing for Goodwill, and give the poor my Nordic Track. Donate my car to crippled kids, or to those ghetto moms on crack. Give them my hats and my CD’s, my pumps, and my flats, my three TV’s. No one thinks a pretty girl has feelings, I weep for all I could be. Maybe I can help the world by leaving.”

 

“Aw, Hell. Long weekend for everybody,” Fury decided, ignoring Mr. Coulson. Mr. Coulson sighed, walking out of the staff room. He walked around the halls of Westerberg High, looking for the remains of The Marvels.

 

“How are you guys doing?” He asked them.

 

“I never knew about his pain,” Gamora choked out. Valkyrie patted her shoulder solemnly. Bucky kept looking down at his feet, which helped him blend in with the hairdo of mourning students.

 

“Loki saw the me inside of me, inside of all of us,” Valkyrie said. Mr. Coulson turned to Bucky.

 

“Bucky, you’re very quiet. What’s on your mind?” Me. Coulson asked.

 

“Maybe Loki realized that in order to be happy he had to give up his power, and the only way to do that was... well...” Bucky’s face was turning red.

 

“My god, look what you’ve done!” Mr. Coulson’s statement caught Bucky off guard. “You’re breaking through! Feeling! Loki would be so proud of you,” Mr. Coulson finished. Bucky flashed him a half smile.

 

“If you gals ‘n’ guys need someone to talk to, I’m always here,” Mr. Coulson said, walking off.

 

Dear Diary,

 

I’m so fucking screwed. Yes, in short, I killed Loki Laufeyson. And yes, for future reference, I’m talking about my best friend. How was I supposed to know I had the cup of drain cleaner! How was I supposed to know Loki’d drink that shit!

 

God, I swear, if I don’t belong in hell by know, then where do I belong?

 

In other news, I lost my v-card. You can guess who helped me lose it, too. Brock Rumlow, Damn that boy is smexy, even without the trench coat.

 

I also must admit, everything with Brock isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. He did hit me, pretty hard too, it left a mark and everything. But that’s alright, we were caught in the heat of the moment of Loki’s death, and he had a right to flip out like he did. So in turn, it wasn’t his fault. I’m not blaming him for hitting me. 

 

-Bucky Barnes

 


	8. Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a little bit longer to write, mainly because I hate this song. And also because I was lazy... whatever... enjoy this shittyness?
> 
> Warning: mention of date rape

“I blame, not god, but society,” Bucky rolled his eyes and looked over to Rumlow, who was holding back a laugh. “We must pray, that the other teens of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name or the righteous dude- Jesus Christ.”

 

“Holy shit and hot damn, could he get even more stupid?” Rumlow whispered. Bucky chuckled, and someone from the row in front of him turned around to shush him. “What?” Rumlow asked.

 

“You cursed in a church,” Bucky whispered back.

 

“I guess atheism really taught me nothing,” Rumlow whispered back. Bucky snorted, stopping his from laughing out in the middle of the service.

 

Bucky lost track of the minutes when he was called up to view the body. He did what every other person did, bowed his head at the casket and prayed to god.

 

Hi. I’m sorry. Technically I did not kill Loki Laufeyson, but hey, who am I tryin to kid, right? I just want my high school to be a nice place... amen... did that sound bitchy?

 

Outside of the church, Gamora swaggered up to Bucky and Rumlow. Rumlow stopped talking when she put her hands on her hips and clearing her throat.

 

“I’ll see you later baby,” Rumlow said, kissing Bucky on the cheek. He walked away to his motorcycle, getting on and riding out of the parking lot.

 

“He’s a dick,” Gamora said. “A cute dick, but still.”

 

“I tell him that every day,” Bucky said. “Now what do you need, G?”Gamora smirked and chewed on her fingernail, nervous.

 

“I just- can’t believe Loki’d do such a thing,” Gamora said. Bucky sighed, annoyed. How many times had someone said this already? He’d lost count. In a comforting gesture, he patted Gamora’s back.

 

“I know, I’m so surprised. It’s not like him,” Bucky said carefully. A small sob escaped from Gamora.

 

“I know!” She sobbed. “It’s so horrible!” She practically flung herself onto Bucky, making people stare. The staring made Bucky suddenly conscious of the crime he had really committed. The feeling wasn’t pleasant, and if it got any worse, he’d barf.

 

“Okay, G. G! Listen, hey,” Bucky pulled her up and lead her away from the crowds. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

 

Why the fuck did I just promise it’d be okay after killing by best friend? Bucky thought. Gamora calmed down enough to stop crying. She took a few deep breaths and wiped her eyes.

 

“I have a date with Quill tonight,” she said out of the blue. Bucky gawked at her. “A little soon, I know. But I mean, he’s cute.”

 

“Seriously? Damn, that boy can’t wait. Well, call me if you need any help,” Bucky sighed. Gamora nodded a little and sniffled.

 

“We should get back,” she said. Bucky let out a small laugh.

 

“Fuck that. Next person who says “‘sorry for your loss’” will have a broken nose,” Bucky said. Gamora nodded her head in agreement.

 

“Let’s get Val and go,” she said. On cue, Valkyrie walked up to them, smiling.

 

“Who ripped off your thong?” Bucky asked sarcastically. “And over your friend’s grave, damn that’s goth.”

 

“Fuck off, James,” Val said. She held up something as if it was the President’s signature. “Look what I got!”

 

“That’s her thong alright, good call on that, Bucky,” Gamora said to him. Valkyrie rolled her eyes.

 

“No, it’s Loki’s signature scunchie!” She said excitedly, tying back her hair. “What’dya think? Green looks good on me, you know?”

 

“It looks like someone puked in your hair,” Gamora deadpanned. Val flipped her off.

 

“Wait- wasn’t that in Loki’s hair... WHEN HE WAS IN THE CASKET?” Bucky realized. Val nodded vigorously.

 

“Yep! It’s mine now!” She grinned.

 

“That’s sick,” Gamora and Bucky said at the same time. Val shrugged not giving a horses ass.

 

“Let’s get outta here,” Val said. “I want some plain corn nuts, not those disgusting BB-Q ones Loki always gets,” she made a face before trotting off to her Jeep.

 

“You comin?” She yelled back to Bucky and Gamora. They shared a look of concern before following Val to her Jeep.

 

* * *

 

 

The phone rang in Bucky’s room, startling him awake. He turned over to the clock and groaned. 1:23 am.

 

“Fuck,” he groaned, reaching over to the phone. “Ello?”

 

“Hey, Bucky, could you come down here to the park?”

 

What. The. Fuck.

 

“It’s Gamora, Bucky. Now can you come down here? I need some help.” Gamora hung up and Bucky sat in his bed for a second, processing the phone call. His eyes widened when he realized Gamora asked for his help, and he scrambled out of bed, putting on his usual clothes.

 

It look him a few minutes to get done to the park, but when he got there, he saw Gamora and Val sitting in their car while Quill and Tony hobbled around it, drunk.

 

“Gamora, you didn’t tell me this was a double-date,” Bucky said as he approached the car. Gamora smiled when Tony and Quill turned away from the car.

 

“It wasn’t, but Val wanted to come along and-“

 

“I was just here,” Tony finished. Bucky rolled his eyes. Bucky leaned on the hood of the car, facing the windshield.

 

“So what’s wrong?” Bucky asked. Quill slapped his ass and Bucky flinched, then slapped Quill in the face.

 

“Quill wanted to go to third base,” Gamora said. “But I didn’t.” It took a moment for Bucky to put the pieces together.

 

“So... instead of you getting date raped... you called me to get date raped...” Bucky finally said. Gamora nodded.

 

“Yep! He’s all yours boys!” Gamora said. Bucky rolled his eyes, Tony grabbed his arm but Bucky swatted him away.

 

“Fuck off, Stark,” Bucky said.

 

“Heeeyyy, Jamie,” Quill started.

 

“Don’t call me that,” Bucky said. “You have a left hand: use it.”

 

“Aww, don’t talk mean like that,” Tony piped up. “You’ll hurt their feelings. My balls, I mean. You make them so blue.”

 

“Gross, fuck off.”

 

“You hurt them badly, they’re handing sadly.”

 

“What did they do, to be so blue?”

 

“Don’t run from me, they’re all beat up!”

 

“Like a tackling dummy.”

 

“They’re warm like mittens, they’ll curl up on your face and purr like kittens.”

 

Bucky gagged.

 

“You make my balls so blue... just look at them glow. They’re begging you!”

 

“Please!”

 

“Don’t make my balls so blue!”

 

Bucky rubbed his eyes and moved to the back passenger door of the car. He tried to open the door, hoping it wasn’t locked; but it didn’t budge. He tried again before knocking on the window.

 

“G... Val... open the door...”

 

“Oh, hell no.”

 

Tony was suddenly at Bucky’s hips, finding his belt and forcing it off his waist. Bucky turned around and practically kicked Tony away from him. Tony had dropped the belt, and Bucky grabbed it and secured it again. Tony pouted like a child.

 

“You make my balls so blue!” He whined. “Just hold ‘em!”

 

“Unfold ‘em!” Quill added, snaking his hands up Bucky’s shirt and pulling off both his jacket and his shirt. The cold night air suddenly got to Bucky, making his teeth chatter.

 

“And never let ‘em go!”

 

“Take ‘em home to meet your parents, they’ll wear a suit and tie!”

 

“Please make these balls not so blue- just for a while.”

 

“My pants are rubbing like a hot cheese grater!”

 

“Please make my balls not blue, and make their dreams come true!”

 

“No! Fuckin weirdos!” Bucky exclaimed. “If you want, I’ll crush you balls. Want that? Huh? No? That’s what I thought!”

 

Gamora was snickering in the car. Bucky found a rock on the ground and held it up to the glass.

 

“Let me in or I’ll let myself in,” Bucky threatened. Gamora shook her head no.

 

“My balls with work for ya, obey ya, they need rescuing like Princess Leia.”

 

Bucky smashed the window to Gamora’s car. She gasped in surprise, watching the glass trickle into the back seat.

 

“Smash my balls like you smashed the window.”

 

Bucky unlocked the door from the hole in the window and climbed in the car.

 

“Drive. Fucking drive.”

 

Gamora didn’t have to be told twice.

 

Dear Diary,

 

Gamora set me up to get date raped! And she knows I have a boyfriend! That bitch, Ooh that BITCH.

 

In other news, Valkyrie stoke Loki’s scrunchie OFF HIS DEAD BODY, Rumlow cursed in church, and god thinks I’m a bitch.

 

Life is hell... life is definitely hell.

 

Val is basically Mary Shelley goth, though. Steeling Loki’s signature scrunchie like that. In a church. IN FRONT OF THE PASTOR. Sometimes I wonder if Sherwood would benefit from a good psychiatrist, maybe one who’s suited for the really fucked up problems. Like those psychiatrists used for the criminals at Alcatraz.

 

We would definitely benefit from having an Alcatraz-rated-psychiatrist around here. At least, I know I’d benefit, don’t know if Valkyrie’s smart enough to benefit from that kind of help.

 

-Bucky Barnes

 


	9. Our Love Is God

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve! This will be the last chapter I’ll post till after Christmas, and it might be the last chapter I post till New Years. 
> 
> Because of this I made it extra long and angsty™️
> 
> Hope you all have a great Christmas/New Years, and thank you for reading!

* * *

The Monday after Loki’s funeral, everyone was back in school. Bucky hadn’t seen Rumlow all weekend except for the funeral, and he was scared Rumlow wasn’t happy about that.

 

Over the weekend Rumlow left a message on Bucky’s machine.

 

“Goddamnit Bucky! I saw you at the park! What the fuck? I thought we were dating, but you turn around and have a fucking anal session with the douchie duo behind my back. Hope you weren’t expecting a kiss on Monday, cause you won’t get one! We’re through cheater!”

 

The message had really confused Bucky. He was hoping he could set it straight with Rumlow that he didn’t have sex with “the douchie duo” and was in fact, almost date-raped.

 

This plan failed the minute Bucky walked into the doors of Westerberg High.

 

“How’s it feel to be gay inside and out!” Someone called. Bucky turned on his heels to the person who said it. He locked eyes with Sam Wilson, the same man who kissed Bucky at the Homecoming Party. The smirk on Sam’s face said enough.

 

“I dunno, you tell me!” Bucky yelled back. The smirk faded, making Bucky content. He walked away, and Natasha Romanoff found him, patting him on the back.

 

“What’s it like to have two dicks in your mouth?” She asked. Bucky studied her face to be sure she was serious.

 

“I-I’m not sure what you mean,” Bucky stammered. She looked over her shoulder before leading Bucky to stoner’s corner.

 

“Tony and Quill said they had a sword fight in your mouth last night,” she said. The look of surprise on Bucky’s face told Natasha that the rumor wasn’t true. Bucky threw up his hands.

 

“Of course the douchie duo said that! No wonder Rumlow’s mad at me!” He said. Natasha smirked and her hand snaked it’s way to Bucky’s cheek.

 

“I knew you’d never do that,” she whispered. Suddenly, her lips were on his. Eagerly she wanted more, sucking his bottom lip and getting into the kiss. It took Bucky a few tries to pry her off of him.

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” He exclaimed, breathless. Natasha looked at him, confused. “I have a boyfriend, you know!”

 

Natasha turned red and pulled away.

 

“And I’m guessing there’s a waiting list too-“ she tried. Bucky sighed and shook his head in disappointment.

 

“Yeah, if you want you can go on it. You’ll be number four, though.”

 

“Number four’s not bad, who’s number one of the waiting list right now?”

 

Bucky was about to respond before he saw Rumlow out of the corner of his eye. In a panic, Bucky pushed Natasha even farther from him.

 

“Bucky,” Rumlow acknowledged. Bucky blushed, watching Rumlow walk past him.

 

“Nat, I gotta go,” Bucky said, keeping his eyes on Rumlow.

 

“He’s got you eating in the palm of his hand,” Natasha said.

 

“Yeah, but I don’t really care. He’s a great guy,” Bucky responded. He followed Rumlow through the crowd, hoping to catch him.

 

“Rumlow! Babe!” Bucky finally caught Rumlow, clamping his hand onto his arm. Rumlow turned to Bucky and ripped his arm out of Bucky’s grasp.

 

“We’re through! Remember?” Rumlow exploded.

 

“Babe, I didn’t do the shit you think I did with the douchie duo, it’s a rumor those fuck-wads made up,” Bucky said. “Please, babe, listen to me.”

 

“The only way I’d know you didn’t do it is if I tested myself,” Rumlow said. Bucky raised his eyebrows in surprise.

 

“Well I’m here if you want to,” Bucky said. Bucky’s response caught Rumlow off guard.

 

“You really didn’t have an anal session with them,” Rumlow realized. “Oh god, I’m sorry for doubting you.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Bucky said, planting a kiss on Rumlow’s cheek.

 

“Gay!” Someone called out. Rumlow turned his attention to Tony Stark and Peter Quill, who had watched the whole thing.

 

“Fuck off,” Rumlow said.

 

“Babe, we should get to class-“

 

“Shut up, Bucky. Let me handle this. You wanna go?”

 

“Yeah I wanna go! I wanna go out with you!”

 

“Why would I like someone as stupid as you?” Rumlow’s fist was a blur when it collided with Tony’s jaw. In response, Quill kicked Rumlow to the ground, then proceeded to kick him in the ribs. Rumlow protected his head and tried to fight back while Bucky watched. Tony grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled him up to kiss him, then threw Bucky to the ground. The bell rang and the douchie duo dispersed to their classes.

 

Bucky was the first one up, at Rumlow’s side. Tears streamed down his face while ha made sure Rumlow was okay.

 

“They made you cry,” Rumlow observed. “But that will end tonight. You are the only thing that’s right about this broken world. Go on and cry, but when the morning comes, we’ll burn it down again, we’ll build this world again... our love is god.”

 

Rumlow groaned, getting to his feet. He used Bucky for support. A small tear fell from his cheek when he stood up, wiping the blood from his nose.

 

“You okay?” Bucky asked. Rumlow smiled sadly and held onto Bucky’s hand.

 

“I was alone, a frozen lake. But now you’ve melted me away, see now I’m crying too. You’re not alone.”

 

“You’re not alone.”

 

“And when the morning comes, we’ll burn away that tear, and raise our city here...” Rumlow wiped the tears away from Bucky’s cheek, making them both smile a little more.

 

“Our Love is god,” Bucky finished.

 

* * *

 

 

“Yeah-lo?” Tony answered the phone. Quill looked over to Tony, pausing the movie they were watching.

 

“Hey Tony, it’s James... how’d you guys know it was always a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once?”

 

At Bucky’s House, Bucky and Rumlow crowded around the phone, snickering quietly.

 

At Tony’s House, Tony and Quill frantically put the phone on speaker while shaking with excitement.

 

“Uuuahhhhh... lucky guess?” Tony responded. Rumlow held his hand at his mouth to muffle the laugh.

 

“Well, if you want it to com true, meet me at the cemetery, at dawn.”

 

The phone clicked and Tony and Quill looked at each other, stunned.

 

“Free pussy,” Tony marveled.

 

“And we don’t even have to but it a pizza!” Quill added.

 

Rumlow and Bucky left his house to go to 7-11, where they bought what they needed.

 

“We can start and finish wars,” Rumlow said as they exited the store.

 

“We’re what killed the dinosaurs, we’re the asteroid that’s overdue,” Bucky added, grabbing Rumlow’s hand.

 

“The dinosaurs choked on the dust,” Rumlow said. “They died because God said they must. The new world needed room for me and you.”

 

The two walked through a field, stopping at the center and laying down on their backs, looking up at the stars. Rumlow grabbed Bucky’s hand and rubbed circles onto the back of his hand.

 

“I worship you. I’d trade my life for yours. They all will disappear, we’ll plant our garden here. Our love is god.”

 

“Our Love is god,” Bucky echoed.

 

Back at Bucky’s House, Rumlow loaded a gun and handed it to Bucky. Bucky tensed, then grabbed it.

 

“Safety’s off,” Rumlow warned.

 

“Are these real?” Bucky asked, pulling out the magazine and inspecting the bullets.

 

“Do you take German?” Rumlow asked.

 

“Net, ya beru russkiy (Нет я беру русский*),” Bucky responded. “I’m taking Russian.”

 

“Oh... good... I’m filling the guns with “Ich Luge” bullets. My Grandpa scored them in World War II, they contain this powerful tranquilizer. The Nazi’s used them to fake their own suicides when the Russians invaded Berlin... which you’ll learn about soon. We will use them to knock Tony and Quill our long enough for it to look like a suicide pact. Complete with a forged suicide note,” Rumlow explained. He pulled a note out of his trench coat pocket and handed it to Bucky, who read it aloud.

 

“Tony and I died because we had to hide our forbidden love from a miss-approving world,” Bucky read . He chuckled to himself at how clever the note was.

 

It was almost dawn when Rumlow and Bucky got to the cemetery.

 

“And when the morning comes, they’ll both be laughing stocks,” Rumlow said, offering a hand to Bucky. They hopped the fence and intertwined their fingers.

 

“So lets go hunt some jocks!” Bucky said, their hands in excitement. This was where Bucky would get his revenge, the spotlight would be illuminated on Tony and Quill. No longer would they beat other people up, they’d be the ones beat up. It was perfect, and if it wasn’t Rumlow carrying out the plan, it’d be too perfect. But it wasn’t too perfect, nothing with Rumlow was just too perfect, it was just, perfect.

 

When the sun came up, Tony and Quill staggered into the cemetery. They spotted Bucky leaning on a tree, smiling. What they didn’t see, was the hot gun behind Bucky’s back.

 

“Hi... James,” Tony said.

 

SLURRED SPEECH; ANALYSIS- DRUNK, blinked in Bucky’s mind.

 

“So do we just whip it out or what?” Quill asked. Bucky snickered.

 

“Take it slow, Quill. Strip for me,” Bucky tempted. Quill and Tony eagerly stripped away their clothes, left in their underwear.

 

“What about you?” Tony asked.

 

“Oh,” Bucky looked down at his own clothes, acting surprised they were still on his body. “Well I was hoping you could rip my clothes off me, sport,” Bucky smirked. Quill smiled and looked at Tony. He looked back to Bucky and nodded his head vigorously.

 

“Yeah... we can do that,” Quill said.

 

“Count of three,” Bucky said.

 

“One...”

 

Quill and Tony joined in on the countdown.

 

“Two...”

 

Just then, Rumlow came out from behind the tree. Both him and Bucky aimed the guns towards Tony and Quill.

 

“Three,” Rumlow said.

 

BANG

 

BANG

 

Quill fell to the dirt. Tony’s eyes filled with tears and he started to run for his life.

 

“Stay there, I’ll get him,” Rumlow said to Bucky. Bucky looked down at the gun in his hand and dropped it, moving to Quill.

 

“Quill? Quill!” Bucky shook Quill’s shoulder, trying to wake him. The bullet wound to his head bled out more, staining the grass and now, Bucky’s jeans. “You’re just unconscious, right? Quill?!”

 

ANALYSIS: DEAD

 

Wait, no! How did I know...

 

Bucky’s hand flew to Quill’s wrist, checking for a pulse. When he found nothing, he stood up to go after Rumlow before Tony was dead too.

 

Oh god, this is a mess.

 

KILL STARK ON SIGHT, flashed in Bucky’s head. He hated seeing those words in his head, they made his head throb and eyes sting.

 

“Get off the fence, get off the damn fence!” Bucky heard Rumlow yell. His voice made Bucky run faster, hoping to stop Rumlow.

 

“I don’t understand!” Tony wailed. Bucky saw Tony at the fence of the cemetery, trapped by Rumlow.

 

“We can start and finish wars. We’re what killed the dinosaurs. We’re the asteroid that’s overdue.”

 

“Stop being a dick!”

 

“The dinosaurs will turn to dust!”

 

“What’s that mean?!”

 

“They’ll die because we say they must!”

 

 

 

BANG!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bucky slunk to his knees, defeated. He wasn’t fast enough, he could have saved Tony, if only he had reached Rumlow, if only he hadn’t made that call...

 

MISSION SUCCESS. PROCEED TO SAFE HOUSE.

 

Bucky hit his head, wishing the words would leave his mind and pour out of his ears. Bucky’s mouth betrayed him and spoke up.

 

“What the fuck have you done?” Bucky yelled at Rumlow. Rumlow turned away from Tony’s corpse, still holding the gun. Rumlow sank down to his knees and put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

 

“I worship you. I’d trade my life for yours. We’ll make them disappear! We’ll plant our garden here!”

 

Bucky took a deep breath, steadying himself.

 

“Our Love is god,” Rumlow said. Rumlow put his forehead on Bucky’s breathing him in. “Say it.”

 

Bucky saw no way out. He was stuck, likely to die with Rumlow, to die FROM Rumlow. He didn’t care though, at this point, Bucky deserved to die.

 

OUR LOVE IS GOD.

 

No.

 

OUR LOVE IS GOD.

 

Get out of my head!

 

OUR LOVE IS GOD.

 

Shut up!

 

OUR LOVE IS GOD.

 

Stop it please!

 

OUR LOVE IS GOD.

 

I’m sorry! I didn’t know!

 

OUR LOVE IS GOD.

 

Our Love is god... no...

 

OUR LOVE IS GOD.

 

Our Love is god.

 

“Our Love is god,” Bucky finally said. Rumlow smiled and wiped the tear from Bucky’s cheek, leaving a trail of blood there instead.

 

This was what Bucky was.

 

This was what Bucky had become.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Нет я беру русский = No, I take Russian


	10. My Dead Gay Son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a little longer than I expected. I ended up writing this chapter three times, each time had a different ending. I was satisfied by this ending out of all the rest, so I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> Be warned, this ending has a crazy amount of angst. Really getting into the whole “Winter Soldier” thing here with Bucky hearing voices.

Dear Diary,

 

My teen angst bullshit has a body count. First Loki, then Quill (my fault), then Tony. To be fair, I didn’t actually know that we used real bullets to shoot Quill and Tony down. And I didn’t know that it was drain cleaner in the cup instead of a hangover cure. When I put it that way, it still sounds like a murder through me being a stupid fuck who couldn’t identify drain cleaner and bullets.

 

God, this whole thing is fucked up.

 

I’m starting to hear voices, which is new. I think they started when I shot Quill... no... yes. They started when I shot Quill. I’m half convinced it’s Loki calling me from beyond the grave, or maybe I’ve just gone crazy. Who knows any more? All I know is that my name is James Buchanan Barnes, I’m 17, I’m gay, and I’ve killed three people.

 

That’s going to look great on a college application.

 

-Bucky Barnes

 

Bucky stood in the back of the church, watching the service for Tony and Quill. He sucked in a deep breath and rubbed his eyes, he hadn’t slept for a good 72 hours and was staring to feel it. He was also starting to hear the voices in his head more often. It seemed that the more tired he got, the louder the voices became.

 

KILL VALKYRIE NEXT.

 

Sure, whatever you say.

 

SHE’S A BITCH AND DESERVES IT.

 

Mmhmm.

 

“Bucky?” Bucky jolted up at the mention of his name. The voice was familiar, and it took a few moments for Bucky to realize someone was standing right next to him.

 

“Yes- holy shit, Loki?” Bucky rubbed his eyes again, making sure he was seeing Loki standing next to him and not someone else.

 

“Are you dead too?” Loki asked Bucky.

 

CHECK PULSE

 

Good idea.

 

Bucky felt for his pulse, because he wasn’t sure if he was dead or not. When he found the steady beat of his heart, his nerves settled a little bit.

 

“I wish I was,” Bucky said. “Wait-“

 

YOU JUST TALKED TO A GHOST.

 

Yeah, I realized...

 

SHIT. YOU’RE GOING CRAZY.

 

Really? I’m going crazy? Wow, I didn’t notice.

 

“God The afterlife is awful,” Loki complained. Bucky just stared at Loki, realizing that he had indeed talked to a ghost (who he killed) about being alive. “If I have to sing Kum-Ba-Ya one more time...”

 

Bucky still stared at Loki, speechless. Loki started to cough, and he hacked up a bit of blue liquid. Bucky felt a sense of dejà vu when the blue gob fell onto his shoes.

 

“Thanks to you I’ll be hacking up drain cleaner for the rest of eternity,” Loki added miserably. In an instant, Loki’s face changed, and he started to snap his fingers in Bucky’s face. “Bucky! Hey! Bucky? Are you listening to me...”

 

“Bucky!” Bucky blinked, Loki was gone and in his place was Rumlow. Rumlow smiled when Bucky came out of his trance. “Did’ya go to the moon without me?” Rumlow joked. Bucky smiled and hooked arms with Rumlow.

 

12.9 MINUTES LATE.

 

Why did you count that?

 

DUMP HIS ASS.

 

What?! Wait! Hold on, what happened to the whole, 12.8 minutes thing?!

 

12.9 MINUTES

 

Same thing! 

 

YOU’RE SIX SECONDS OFF.

 

Whatever!

 

JUST POINT OUT HE’S LATE.

 

“You’re late,” Bucky pointed out as the two took their seats.

 

“Yeah, Sorry bout that. Had to help Dad with something,” Rumlow said, giving Bucky’s cheek a peck. Someone from behind them made a disgusted sound, which prompted Rumlow and Bucky to turn around.

 

“You boys are in a church,” the man said. “Why must you do that in front of God?” Rumlow smirked and draped his hand across the back of Bucky’s chair. Rumlow’s lips hooked onto Bucky’s, Rumlow’s smirk held its ground in between the kissing.

 

“Cause I can,” Rumlow finally responded, out of breath. The man was speechless, mouth open in protest.

 

89% CHANCE THIS WILL CAUSE ATTENTION.

 

89%... how did you figure that out?

 

“How dare you disrespect my son’s funeral like that!” The man said, disgusted. The pastor stopped talking and all eyes turned to the man. The eerie silence made Bucky skunk lower into his chair, embarrassed. “First I have to live with the fact that my son died dirty, and now you fucking poofs show up to his funeral only to make out! How dare you!”

 

Another man stood up from his seat, eyes burning with fury and face red. Bucky recognized the other man as Howard Stark, Tony’s father.

 

“Now wait just a minute Ego!” He said. “It’s ignorant, hateful talk like yours that makes this world a place our boys could not live in! They were not dirty! They were not wrong! They were two lonely verses in the Lord’s great song!”

 

“Our boys were pansies, Howard!” Ego protested. Howard smiled.

 

“Yes!” Howard agreed. “My boy’s a homosexual, and that doesn’t scare me none- I want the world to know, I love my dead gay son!”

 

Ego’s mouth hung open in shock that Howard would say such a thing.

 

“But- y-you used to hate homosexuals,” Ego pointed out. “You said it yourself, God should not have created a man who could love another man.”

 

“I know god had a reason for each mountain and each flower. And he probably has a reason for our sons to get close in the shower,” Howard explained. Howard moves to the aisle separating the rows of pews in the church. “They were not dirty! They were not poofs! They were just two stray laces in the lord’s big boots! I never cared for homos till my son became one, but now I’ve leaned to love my dead gay son!”

 

“Now I say my boy’s in heaven- tanning by the pool! The cherubim walk with him, and Jesus says it’s cool!” Howard gave a thumbs up to the pastor, who smiled and gave a thumbs up back. “They don’t have no crime or hatred, there’s no bigotry or cursin, just friendly fellows dressed up like their favorite village person! They were not dirty- they just had flair!”

 

“And furthermore! These boys are brave as hell!” Howard said, motioning to Bucky and Rumlow. “Our boys were brave as hell! Yes, they knew damn well! Folks would judge ‘em, they were desperate to be free! They took a rebel stance, stripped their underpants! Ego I can’t believe that you still refuse to get a clue! After all we’ve been through!”

 

The church gasped, Bucky and Rumlow looked at each other, wondering if Howard was really implying that...

 

“I’m talking you and me! The summer of 83!”

 

The church gasped again.

 

Ego hung his head and shuffle out of the pews to Howard, who was still standing in the middle aisle. He stopped in front of Howard, before pulling Howard into his lips. The whole church watched as the two men made out, mouths hanging open.

 

“That was one hell of a ruching trip,” Ego finally admitted, pulling away. Howard smiled and grabbed Ego’s hand.

 

“They were not dirty!” Howard said.

 

“They were just two stray rhinestone on the lord’s big purse!” Ego added. “Now we love-“

 

“Yes now we love-“

 

“We Love our dead gay sons!” Ego and Howard said together. The whole church cheered for them, as they turned back to each other for more kisses.

 

After the service, Ego and Howard found Bucky and Rumlow outside under a tree, making out.

 

“Thank you boys,” Who’s words made them stop kissing to look up at who was talking to them. Rumlow smiled calmly and nodded to Ego.

 

“No, thank you,” Rumlow said. “For making this okay,” Rumlow pulled Bucky up and motioned to him.

 

“Yes, thank you,” Bucky echoed.

 

YOU JUST SAID THANK YOU TO THE FATHER OF THE MAN YOU KILLED.

 

Shut up and let me enjoy this moment.

 

FAGGOT.

 

Yes I am.

 

...

 

I guess I can make you speechless.

 

YOU’LL PAY FOR THAT.

 

How? You’re just a voice in my head, you can’t control me.

 

WANNA BET?

 

“Mr. Barnes, you’re bleeding.”

 

Bucky was pulled out of his thoughts to see the concerned face of Howard Stark. Rumlow faced Bucky and also adopted a concerned look. Bucky felt something drip onto his shoe, he looked down to see blood in the same place Loki’s blue gob had landed. Bucky looked up at Mr. Stark before falling in Rumlow’s arms, the world spinning into a black nothingness.

 

I TOLD YOU YOU’D PAY FOR THAT.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The term “Poof” was used to refer to a male homosexual.


	11. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First part of this chapter is in a dream, if anyone is confused.

Bucky opened his eyes and shut them again. His eyes stung from the bright lights overhead, and the bed he laid on was stiff, more of a table than a bed.

 

Bucky opened his eyes again, combatting the brightness of the light. He looked around him, taking in the blank room he was in. He laid on a table, hands and feet strapped to it with not straps, but hands. Blackened hands held his arms and legs to the table.

 

Bucky’s eyes widened when he realized the nothingness was a rolling Black Sea of waves that made no sound, and had no feeling. A wave lapped at his left hand, the hand he used to shoot Quill, and instead of a wet feeling being left there, his hand grew cold.

 

Another wave washed over Bucky, this time washing over the entire left side of his body. The hands holding him to the table shook, contemplating letting go of Bucky and letting him tumble into the darkness.

 

The waves started to sting when the washed over him, leaving red marks on his body when they left. A wave crashed over his head, and Bucky panicked. He trashed around, the wave suffocating him and the hands gripping tighter to him. Another hand reached up from the table and grabbed his neck, pulling it down and clamping onto it.

 

Suddenly the hands let go, letting Bucky tumble into the sea of suffocating nothingness.

 

BREATH IN THE DARKNESS. EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE.

 

A

 

M

O

N

S

T

E

R

.

.

.

 

 

Bucky’s breath got knocked out of him when he hit a hard-wood floor instead of black waves.

 

“Bucky!”

 

Bucky felt himself get scooped up from the floor and set onto a table.

 

“No! Not the table again!” He cried.

 

YES. THE TABLE AGAIN.

 

Fuck off!

 

“Table? Bucky, you’re on my bed,” a voice said.

 

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Bucky roared.

 

OPEN YOUR EYES.

 

They’re already open!

 

NO THEY AREN’T.

 

“Yes they are!” Bucky roared again.

 

“Bucky?” Bucky heard a meek voice and sat up. He realized his eyes weren’t open like the voice had said.

 

TOLD YOU.

 

Bucky opened his eyes to see Rumlow watching him with a scared expression.

 

“What happened?” Rumlow asked quietly. Rumlow still didn’t move from his spot, scared that Bucky was still in his trance.

 

“I-I don’t...” Bucky took a deep breath and got up from the bed. Rumlow cowered, trying to stay as far away from Bucky as he could. “Rumlow... there was a table...”

 

Bucky found himself explaining everything to Rumlow, starting with the voices. When Bucky finished, Rumlow was now sitting next to Bucky, worried out of his mind.

 

“It’s my fault...” Rumlow said finally.

 

LET HIM BLAME HIMSELF.

 

No, I’m to blame. It’s my mind, not his.

 

WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

 

It means that you’re to blame, really.

 

IS THAT SO?

 

Yes, that is so.

 

I CAN MAKE YOU’RE NOSE BLEED AGAIN.

 

What?

 

“It’s not your fault, Rumlow,” Bucky said. Rumlow but his lip, processing the whole situation.

 

“Yes it is,” Rumlow whispered. “I was the one who lied about the bullets.” Bucky rubbed Rumlow’s back, trying to calm him down. They cuddled on the floor for a small moment, both of them thinking.

 

ASK HIM WHAT HAPPENED.

 

I’m agreeing with you this one time.

 

“I hate to ask this now, but what happened?” Bucky asked.

 

“Your nose started bleeding...” Rumlow said, confirming what the voice told Bucky. “I brought you here cause I wasn’t sure what to do.”

 

TOLD YOU.

 

You don’t have to gloat about it.

 

“Valkyrie’s a bitch,” Rumlow said, out of the blue. Bucky turned to Rumlow, a little surprised.

 

“What do you mean?” Bucky asked. Rumlow didn’t answer, instead he got up and moved to his dresser, pulling out a gun from the top drawer. “Rumlow...”

 

“She’s a bitch,” Rumlow echoed. He loaded the gun and aimed it to his closet, imagining pulling the trigger.

 

“I guess so...” Bucky finally agreed. Rumlow smirked and turned to Bucky, handing him the gun. Rumlow fished another gun out of his dresser, this one for himself.

 

“She doesn’t deserve to live, being the bitch she is,” Rumlow smiled. Bucky got up, the gun he was holding got tossed aside onto Rumlow’s bed.

 

“What are you implying?” Bucky asked, putting his hands on his hips.

 

“I’m implying the world would be so much better without her,” Rumlow said.

 

HE’S RIGHT.

 

What the hell is wrong with you?!

 

HOW ABOUT YOU ASK YOURSELF.

 

... Has anyone told you that you’re a bitch?

 

SO YOU’RE A BITCH?

 

Bitch.

 

“When will it ever be enough for you?” Bucky asked, plucking the gun out of Rumlow’s hand. Bucky tossed it onto the bed next to the gun Rumlow had given him. “Why can’t you just be normal?” Bucky was starting to get worked up. Rumlow stayed quiet. “When will you stop?!”

 

“When every asshole in the world is dead!” Rumlow exploded. He pushed Bucky back into Rumlow’s closet, Bucky’s head left a dent in the wood of the closet door.

 

The world paused for a moment, stopping its steady turning to keep Bucky and Rumlow prisoner.

 

The world started to turn again, after an eternity.

 

“Fine!” Bucky’s breath caught in his throat. “We’re damaged. Really damaged. But that does not make us ‘wise’. We’re not ‘special’, we’re not ‘different’, we don’t choose who lives of dies. Let’s be normal, see bad movies, sneak a beer and watch tv. We’ll back brownies, and go bowling, don’t you want a life with me?” Bucky felt a tear slide down his cheek. Rumlow moves to wipe it away, but Bucky held up a hand and wiped it away himself.

 

“Can’t we be seventeen? That’s all I want to do, if you could let me in. I could be good to you. People hurt us-“

 

“-Or they vanish.”

 

“And you’re right, it really blows. But we let go-“

 

“-Take a deep breath.”

 

“Then go buy some summer clothes. We’ll go camping-“

 

“-play some poker.”

 

“And we’ll eat some chili fries. Maybe prom night-“

 

“-maybe dancing?” Rumlow grabbed Bucky’s hand and twirled him around, finally stopping in the middle of his room to stare into Bucky’s eyes. Bucky smiled and squeezed Rumlow’s hand.

 

“Don’t stop looking in my eyes,” Bucky said.

 

“Your eyes,” Rumlow echoed.

 

“Can’t we be seventeen? Is that so hard to do? If you’d just let me in, I could be good to you,” Bucky whispered. “Let us be seventeen, if we still have the right. So what’s it gonna be? I wanna be with you-“

 

“-I wanna be with you...”

 

“Tonight,” The two slow-danced in Rumlow’s room, not letting go. They wanted to be together, forever. That silence was the first silence since Quill’s death that was voice-free for Bucky. He wanted to stay in Rumlow’s arms forever, listening to the absence of the voice.

 

“Yeah we’re damaged,” Rumlow said.

 

“Badly damaged,” Bucky agreed. “But your love’s too good to lose.”

 

“Hold me tighter,” Rumlow whispered.

 

“Even closer,” Bucky added. “I’ll stay if I’m what you choose.”

 

 

 

 

“...Can we be seventeen?”

 

Bucky smiled, closing his eyes and breathing in Rumlow’s scent. Rumlow chose Bucky, and that gave Bucky life.

 

“We can if I’m the one you choose.”

 

“Well I choose you... I choose you Bucky,” Rumlow whispered.

 

“I choose you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	12. Shine a Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Thank you guys for sticking around to this chapter! Hope your 2019 is better than your 2018

"Rumlow, what really happened to your mom?”

 

Rumlow sucked in a deep breath and looked over to Bucky, who was in the passenger seat of his car. Rumlow’s eyes returned to the road ahead of them for a second before he turned off the road.

 

Rumlow sat still in the car for a moment, letting himself breath. Bucky watched nervously, hoping Rumlow would say something.

 

“Brock?”

 

“She knew damn well what she was doing.” Rumlow said. “Dad said she was confused, but I know she wasn’t. Mom walked into a library in Texas two minutes before it was gonna blow. I-I saw her wave from the window,” Rumlow sniffed. “And then, boom.”

 

Rumlow closed his eyes, and they sat there for a moment.

 

“Sorry,” Rumlow opened his eyes suddenly and put the car back into gear, pulling back onto the road.

 

“Wait, Rumlow- why are you sorry?” Bucky asked.

 

“We’ll be late.”

 

“That doesn’t matter right now. Can we just talk?”

 

“No! Just... no.”

 

Rumlow pulled into the student parking lot and parked in his spot. He got out quickly, not wanting to talk to Bucky anymore. Bucky followed Rumlow for a little bit but stopped when he got the hint. Maybe Rumlow just needed some time to cool off, it happens.

 

“It’s fine, everything’s fine,” Bucky said to himself. “Everything’s going to be alright...” someone’s locker caught Bucky’s eye, and he couldn’t help himself. Stopping at it, he frowned at the sight of the caution tape of Loki’s old locker.

 

Bucky pulled some of the tape out of the way and spun the combo he remembered. Bucky didn’t expect Loki’s old combo to work, but it did, and the locker popped open. Bucky was a little surprised at first, but then found himself searching through the locker.

 

LOOK FOR THE SCRUNCHIE.

 

Ah yes, your first appearance today. Did you sleep in or something?

 

NO.

 

Huh, so you were in the car with us?

 

YES.

 

I’m surprised you didn’t say anything.

 

I TRY TO SURPRISE.

 

You do well at that.

 

Looking through Loki’s old locker, Bucky realized something. He ended up searching the entire locker, making it a mess when he was done. He shut the locker door.

 

FIND ANY SCRUNCHIE’S?

 

No!

 

VALKYRIE.

 

Of course, it’s Valkyrie, that mega bitch!

 

Bucky turned on his heels and headed to Valkyrie’s first period, hoping to find her there. On his way, he saw her in the halls talking to Rumlow.

 

“Val you bitch!” Bucky yelled out. Rumlow and Valkyrie stopped talking. Rumlow scowled and handed Valkyrie a slip of paper before walking off.

 

“James,” Valkyrie said curtly. She turned away from his and walked into her first period. The green scrunchie in her hair caught Bucky’s eye. Bucky managed to grab her by the hair and drag her back out into the hall.

 

“You bitch!” He hissed. Bucky grabbed the hair tie and pulled it out of her hair, flinging it away.

 

“Why are you pulling on my dick?” Val said, angered. “Fucking cunt!”

 

“Goddamn bitch!”

 

Val slapped Bucky, the force it made Bucky stumble back. She slapped him again, this time using her book to hit him square in the back.

 

“Brunnhilde! Barnes!” someone pulled Val off Bucky. Bucky looked up to see Mr. Coulson holding Valkyrie back.

 

“He started it!” Val screamed in Mr. Coulson’s ear.

 

“No! No, I didn’t!” Bucky defended, getting up. “She’s the one who called me a ‘fucking cunt!’” Mr. Coulson gasped a little and looked from Bucky to Valkyrie.

 

“I would never say such a thing,” Val protested.

 

BITCH.

 

No shit.

 

SHE’S ACTING SO INNOCENT, IT’S ANNYOING.

 

…

 

IS THAT AN AGREE OR DISSAGREE?

 

Silent agree.

 

SILENT AGREE- WHAT THE FUCK?

 

Shut up, I’m trying to listen.

 

“I see what’s going on here,” Mr. Coulson said. “You both are having trouble getting along with your friend, Loki.”

 

MAYBE MR. COULSON’S MORE ANNOYING.

 

Ya think?

 

“Yep, that’s definitely it,” Val said, sliding out of Mr. Coulson’s arms. She smoothed out her skirt and fixed her hair, pulling another green scrunchie out of her pocket. “And I just want to say,” Val turned to Bucky. “James, fuck you. Fuck you and you fucking boyfriend! This whole fucking school! Fuck it all! Fuck me!” Val pointed to Mr. Coulson.  “Fuck you! And fuck Loki for killing his whole bitch-ass self!”

 

Val was panting when she stopped, tears had started to trickle down her cheek and her face was red. Mr. Coulson gave her a moment to collect herself before he spoke.

 

“Good gracious!” He exclaimed.

 

FINALLY, THAT BITCH WILL GET WHAT SHE DESERVES.

 

Damn, I sure hope so.

 

“This is worse than I thought! You teens aren’t taking Loki’s suicide well, and I imagine its not much better for Quill and Tony’s!” Bucky flinched when Mr. Coulson mentioned the douchie duo.

 

Mr. Coulson grabbed Val and Bucky by the wrist and pulled them into the Caf.

 

“Let’s all talk it out. Talking always helps me!” Mr. Coulson said. Within ten minutes, the entire student body was in the Caf, confused but slightly glad Mr. Coulson had gotten them out of class.

 

“Deep inside of everyone, there's a hot ball of shame, guilt, regret, anxiety, fears we dare not name. But, if we show the ugly parts that we hide away, they turn out to be beautiful by the light of day,” Mr. Coulson started. “Why not shine a light on your deepest fears?”

 

No one spoke.

 

“Let in that sunlight, let your flaws shine!” Mr. Coulson encouraged. “Only then the pain will disappear!”

 

Still, the entire student body stayed silent. Bucky found Rumlow in the crowd, who was staring at him. Bucky locked eyes with Rumlow, and Rumlow smiled. Bucky had to look away from Rumlow, it was upsetting how eerie the smile was.

 

“I’m a lesbian!” someone finally spoke out. All eyes turned to Wanda Maximoff, who had gone red.

 

“Go on,” Mr. Coulson nudged. Wanda took a deep breath and stood up.

 

“I’m a lesbian.” She said again. “And too all those assholes who’ve groped me- try groping this!” Wanda turned to Natasha and started to make out with her. Natasha didn’t fight it.

 

“I attack your weaknesses, so you don’t see mine,” Someone said.

 

“I masturbate way too often over Beverly D’Angelo!” Another person piped up. Mr. Coulson smiled.

 

“That’s not exactly what we’re looking for, although Wanda was on the right track. How about I share something, and you can all model your responses after that.” Mr. Coulson offered.

 

“My name's Pauline. I live alone, my husband left, my kids are grown. In the 60's love was free, that did not work out well for me. The revolution came and went tried to change the world, barely made a dent. I have struggled with despair. I've joined a cult, chopped off my hair. I chant, I prayed, but god's not there. So, Samantha! I'm ending our affair! And I faked it, every, single time. Woo, it feels fan-freaking-tastic! Who’s next?”

 

Something about Mr. Coulson’s alarming confession made students start to pipe up, with fears and stories they wanted to keep hidden forever.

 

KEEP IT HIDDEN FOREVER.

 

Bucky didn’t know what he had said until it was out of his mouth.

 

“I killed Loki!”

 

Bucky clapped a hand over his mouth, and the entire room went silent. Val burst out laughing, doubling over. Bucky could feel Rumlow’s shadow over him, anger burning into his back like a hot knife.

 

“Some people will say anything to be popular!” Valkyrie howled. Bucky hung his head.

 

“Now wait just a minute Ms. Brunnhilde. Bucky, do you feel like it’s your fault Loki is dead?” Mr. Coulson asked.

 

“No.”

 

Bucky looked up to see Gamora had stepped forward. Tears were in her eyes, and one fell from her cheek as she said three haunting word Bucky didn’t want to hear.

 

“It’s my fault.”


	13. Lifeboat

GOOD JOB, IT LOOKS LIKE GAMORA BLAMES HERSELF.

 

 

Fuck off.

 

 

SHE BLAMES HERSELF BECAUSE OF YOU.

 

 

You think I’m stupid enough to not know that?

 

 

“Gamora, why do you blame yourself?” Mr. Coulson moved to her side, giving her a small pat on the back. Bucky felt Rumlow’s scowl turn to a smile, it burned into his skin as if someone carved a smile into his back.

 

 

“I float in a boat, in a raging black ocean. Low in the water, with no where to go. The tiniest lifeboat, full of people I know. Cold, clammy, and crowded the people smell desperate. We'll sink any minute, so someone must go. The tiniest lifeboat with the people I know.”

 

 

All at once, any mumbling in the Caf ceases. Rumlow’s arm drapes over Bucky’s shoulder, and he flinches. Rumlow scowls and pinches Bucky in the shoulder.

 

 

“That was for flinching.” He whispers into Bucky’s ear. Bucky bites his lip, hoping his tears can be repressed.

 

 

“Everyone's pushing, everyone's fighting! Storms are approaching there's nowhere to hide! If I say the wrong thing or I wear the wrong outfit, they'll throw me right over the side!” Gamora takes a deep breath and looks into the crowd for Bucky. She finds him and makes eye-contact, not letting her eyes leave his.

 

 

Rumlow notices and clamps his hand tighter to Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky does his best to stay still and not flinch.

 

 

“I'm hugging my knees. The captain is pointing. Well, who made her captain? Still, the weakest must go. The tiniest lifeboat, full of people I know… The tiniest lifeboat, full of people I know.”

 

 

The Caf echoes in silence. Some students have their hands to their mouths, astonished. Others have tears running down their cheeks.

 

 

SHE MUST KNOW.

 

 

And how would she know?

 

 

YOU CONFESSED TO EVERYONE, IT’S REASONABLE FOR HER TO ASSUME YOU WERE TELLING THE TRUTH.

 

 

But… Val…

 

 

SHE KNOWS. THAT’S WHY SHE LOOKED AT YOU.

 

 

…Shit.

 

 

“Val, Buc- James, do you remember that one night when we were listening to that radio show?” Gamora suddenly asked. Val shook her head.

 

“Be more specific,” Val spat.

 

 

I REMEMBER THAT NIGHT.

 

 

How do you remember that night? We don’t even know what she’s talking about!

 

 

LIAR. YOU KNOW WELL WHAT GAMORA’S TALKING ABOUT.

 

 

“When that one girl called in, she had problems with depression and suicide and cutting all because of her friends?” Gamora breathed.

 

 

WELL…?

 

 

Shut up.

 

 

YOU DID KNOW.

 

 

Just let me listen!

 

 

DON’T LIE TO ME AGAIN.

 

 

EVER.

 

 

I can’t hear Gamora, just shut up!

 

 

NO!

 

 

“That was me,” Gamora said. “That girl we made fun of because of all that shit she was dealing with- that was me!”

 

 

…

 

 

…

 

 

 

“And I told Loki that on the night of the party. Right when he dropped me off,” Gamora’s voice shook. “I yelled at him for laughing at me! I accused him of being a shitty friend and not being there for me! The same fucking line I told him in his fucking note! ‘No one thinks a pretty guy has feelings’! It’s my fault he’s dead.”

 

 

THAT MEANS YOU ARE A SHITTY FRIEND TOO.

 

 

What?

 

 

YOU LAUGHED RIGHT ALONG.

 

 

“Gamora-“ Bucky whispered. Rumlow flicked Bucky’s earlobe, a sign for him to keep quiet.

 

 

“G, that was you?” Val placed a hand at her friend’s shoulder. Gamora nodded, mascara around her eyes had begun to drip down her cheeks.

 

 

Val kept the same concerned look on her face for another moment before it morphed to a smile. The sound that came out of Val’s lips was ugly, it almost didn’t resemble a laugh, but somehow it was one.

 

 

“Oh man! You’re pathetic, G! No wonder nobody likes you, you’re a worthless piece of shit that cries when anything happens!” Val’s words hit Gamora like a knife. “Worthless bitch.”

 

 

Gamora wrestles out of Val’s grasp and flees, her sobs echoing down the hallway.

 

 

“Anybody else?” Val asks, turning to the student body. She acts as if she just came out victorious from a fist fight, cockiness coming from the sway of her hips.

 

 

“Fuck you, Valkyrie!” Bucky yells. All eyes turn to him. Bucky pulls Rumlow’s hand off him, he can feel a bruise forming where Rumlow held him. Bucky can tell Rumlow is about to say something, but Valkyrie says it first.    

 

 

“Excuse me?”

 

 

“You’re excused, bitch,” Bucky spits the words into her face. He hopes they’ll mess up her make-up. He turns on his heels and walks out of the Caf, following Gamora’s path.


End file.
